So it is after midnight on December 15, 2008 and I feel like I need to fix everything..my messy house..clean the attic..work out like crazy and lose the baby weight, I am devoured by the need to make today better. But I know I can't, and I will fail the task. Today is bitter, anxious and weird for me. It is the four year anniversary of my mother's death...and no I don't say "passed away" or "passing"..I say death...unless I am with someone, a stranger perhaps or someone I know doesn't feel ok with the word death or dying. For me..its a common word, for someone who used to be in the grief counseling field. But four years ago today Deborah Ann Patrick died. I seem to scare people when I say my mother died from a brain tumor..just seeing the words on the screen as I write this take me back a little, and make me think..I wish I would not have written this entry in my blog...but I am still writing....because I have learned a lot from my mother. I look around and see two bright red and I must add (pottery barn) stockings hanging in my house..Beecher and Mukai are the names written on the stockings in perfect cursive. I have accomplished a lot since December 15, 2004. Now its my turn..I get to give kisses and hugs...but his time I am the mommy.....I get to take walks...play with blocks and make cookies, but this time I am the mommy. I get to kiss the owie and give the baths..but this time I am the mommy. Thanks mom.
I would not be the person I am today without my mother. She really instilled what is good about me. She was sweet and bubbly...with a little fiest to her....loved shopping and spoiled me rotten....now I get to be the spoiler, Thanks mom.
Who I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my angle, my mother.
-Abraham Lincolin
Great post Kelli. You're exactly right...who we become as people is directly related to those who impacted our lives most. It's no secret your mother was and is very special to you, and now it's your turn. It's your turn to be that someone special in the lives of your children and they'll someday look back on the way you guided them through this crazy world. You're a wonderful person, and your mother is no doubt proud of the woman and mother you've become. When you feel alone, like nobody understands your plight, you'll always have her memory, and the comfort of your family and true friends to pick you up. We love you and will always be here for you. In remembering your mother, and all that she was and is to you, apply that to your own life and in the lives of your children. When we leave this place, there are few things we'll be able to really smile about. Motherhood is one of them. You guys are great parents and amazing friends (family really), and we'll always be here to support you.
ReplyDelete